This is the second post in my series on relationships, with a focus on students this time. My approach may not be the same as someone who works with older students, but I think some things are universal. I am visible, find the positives and hold to the mantra of “be firm, fair, and consistent.”
For me, being visible starts when students enter the building. I stand at a location that all students must pass each morning, greeting them and making mental notes. This time of day sets a tone for the remainder of the school day. If I notice a student is not behaving normally, we can have a quick discussion which may lead to a more in-depth response. For example, I once had a student come up to me crying, which this child never did, and shared that her sibling didn’t get on the bus. Immediately, this student was taken to the guidance counselor, the assistant principal verified the sibling indeed wasn’t present, and I called the parent. Just being visible and attentive resulted in positive outcome for what could have been much more serious. Another way to be present is being in classrooms as an observer and sometimes even as a teacher. My daily goal is to be in at least two classrooms. During the school day, I also do my best to visible are during transitions and lunch.
Finding the positives is part of the PBIS system or other community building program that many schools use. I’ve worked in schools that used both PBIS and Responsive Classroom. There are other systems that also focus on having rules stated in the positive, what students should be doing instead of what they should not be doing. As I see children or entire classes, I praise the positives. For example, I might say “this class is respecting learning by walking quietly down the hall.” To a student I may say, “I noticed you helping a friend who dropped their books. That was kind.” Letting students that they are making good choices helps them build confidence and a positive relationship. Just as I leave teachers feedback on classroom observations, I make note of student positives too. A sticky note containing “way to use word attack skills” goes a long way. Since we use Class Dojo, I may even send a parent a positive praise about their child since this builds both the relationship with the student and the parent. Finding these positives and building a positive relationship helps when a conversation about poor choices becomes necessary.
I have sworn by the mantra of “be firm, fair and consistent” for years both as a classroom teacher and now as an administrator. First year teachers hear this from me as does anyone else who asks about classroom management. Let me explain what I mean by each part of the phrase. Be firm to me is holding to your expectations, both behavioral and academic. If you expect students to follow a certain procedure, such as to transition quickly and quietly, then each transition must be quick and quiet. I have been a leader in several schools and feel comfortable saying that being firm can be tiring, but if we expect students to transition from one class to another quietly we have to expect that from the first day of school to the last. Praise amply when the expectation is met, and help students who are falling short of expectation. Be fair to me means that each person gets what they need to be successful. Some children need guided reading daily, some students need a reminder to move quietly in the hall, others need an extra breakfast, etc. The list of things students need varies greatly, but I see teachers and administrators meet a vast array of academic and behavior needs with fairness daily. As a school leader, when it comes to discipline we have to fairly apply consequences based on school and district policy, while keeping in mind state and federal law. Another piece of discipline is knowing the children and what will work to be fair to all involved. Finally, “be consistent” means the rules are the rules and they apply to everyone. The same applies for procedures. To me, being consistent also means being the same person with your students from day to day. My students expect me to be at the door telling them good morning because this is something that I consistently do. Being firm, fair and consistent are things I strive to be with students, and staff too.
Again, being visible, finding the positives, and sticking to firm, fair and consistent are ways that I build relationships with the students in my school. Just as a testament about student relationships: Last fall a former student called me to share that he appreciated that I thought he could and should do better when he was in my class. He reminded me that I held high expectations both behavior and academics for him, which impacted him more than I ever knew. He also wanted me to know that he would soon begin student teaching. That phone call brought me to tears just knowing that I had a positive impact of this one student. Students will always remember how you treated them, so let it be positive.
LEaD by Dr. B 